#like almost controversial takes

[reggiestein]

licorice >:3c

Sexuality Headcanon: uhhh. whatever i am😈 hes everything and nothing to me. one moment i see him as some form of bi the next i see him as greyromantic or something

Gender Headcanon: im one of the like 2 people that sees him as cis but i understand the transfem headcanon, its cute and i get it :p hes probably like vaguely demiboy or something like that to me but i don't think abt it enough to give a detailed answer

A Ship I Have With Said Character: purple yam and licorice/licoyam even though im one out of like 2 people that ship them ever <3 they don't understand me im different im alone. ALSO angel food cake x licorice duh. my little things

BROTP: uhhhh? hm. I like the idea of avocado and him being friends based on that one puns vid, i think it'd be cute and funny🙏 i think him and affogato hanging is funny but strictly in a gossip way. I wish him and pom could be friends in an alternate universe somewhere bc i think that'd be really funny (i want to like pomegranate so bad) I FEEL LIKE THERES MORE BUT I CANT THINK OF ANY😑 lame

NOTP: OH MY GOD okay. I hate licorice/clo.ver (cant remember the ship name🙏) and lico/fait so so bad im sorry. theres no real rational reason i just always hate the way they make licorice out idk. but people can like it its not problematic or anything BUT TAG YOUR POSTS PLEASE I HAVE THE TAGS BLOCKED BUT THEY KEEP SHOWING UP💔💔💔💔 also same with darklico but i think its more weird because im pretty sure theres an age gap there. if dark choco was an adult/almost an adult when milk was a kid then he's most definitely older than licorice, a cookie thats canonically a young adult (when asked about his age in the qna live they said he was "old enough to be a highschool dropout if that gives any implication" and also this desc from the operation poison mushroom thing)

Also licopom pom is a lesbian BUT ALSO why do ppl who hate licopom always act like licorice is gross or something i always see him put at the forefront like he made the ship or something. idk maybe im insane but i always see that its so weird

IDK WHY THE NOTP SECTION IS SO LONG ig i had a lot to say sorry :| anyways ppl can like lico/fait and li/clover (??) (Ill leave their tags alone) but if you like darklico or licopom youre a lil weird sorry

[griem]

ijbol idk man releasing screenshots of very polarizing things said in a private discord server between friends in a public "callout" post is #the most #tumblrific thing ive ever seen LOL.

#opinion 😱 in tags

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

and if i said that i’m on lip’s side in season 4?

[skygirlstars]

every time someone says “Anakin wouldn’t have turned to the dark side if Ahsoka hadn’t left the Order” an angel loses its wings

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Hello~~

Do you think that it is absolutely insane to start watching 'Gotham' just because I might be interested in the BatJokes situationship?! 'cause I do have other shows queued and some sort of life going on so the timing isn't that right but smh I feel like I need to do something for my curiosity, tho I'd like some of advice lol

Thank you anyway ;)

LMAO hi, i mean, i started watching Gotham just because i was interested in the batjokes situationship, so *cheerily honks clown nose*

hmm, i dont quite know your context, so i dont know what kind of "advice" are you looking for exactly, but some general notes would be; This is a 100 episode 5 season prison sentence home arrest show. The batjokes situationship/s start from season 3-ish OR near the end of S4 depending on your definition of batjokes lmao, so you're kinda looking at a long pretty batjokesless ride here. Personally i knew that information going in, so i was like "i'm gonna try Gotham for flavour, and if it sticks, then i guess i'm in for the ride." And boy i wasn't ready for how well it sticks, one of the worst industrial grade glues i have ever had the misfortune of being subjected to in my life 34.6/10 experience would do it again.

Gotham TV is such distinct and paculiar and singular Batman production, it sacrified being an official part of canon continuity in order to portray some of the most bizarre, deranged, delightful, heartfelt and heartbreaking moments in live action Batman media, and the batjokes situationship is absolutely a part of this throne, if not the crown jewel. So like, prepare to have your life be lost on you if you ever decide to give it a try 😂❤️ i got into it for batjokes, but i absolutely stayed for *motions hand in the direction of everything* the whole circus. It's such an unexpected live action Batmanverse experience with a very distinct quality of storytelling, and you'll know if you like it by the pilot episode alone, you dont have to wait on the narrative to grow on you.

[dragonseeds]

i didn't realize you were such a big fan of rhaegar, he's definitely a controversial figure in the fandom

i would classify myself as a rhaegar enjoyer or understander but sure, yes. that’s my guy, my black hole at the center of the narrative, my story within the story, my darling miserable failure, tristan and lancelot/guinevere and paris/hector and three different romantic heroes crammed into one singular person whose entire life was a chosen one deconstruction saw trap that he could never escape and ending up pulling not only everyone he loved but also the entire continent into with him. grrm simply went off in the character creation with this.

[great-tusk]

For the fandom ask: what about Pokemon? :3

TY FOR THE ASK!!! I accidentally ranted so much about a character who I hate because I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. It’s refreshing to post my real opinions on characters. Breaking my silence on the worst character in the entire Pokémon franchise LMAOOO. I have, well let’s call it very strong opinions about him.

I also get very passionate (positive) about the Oaks.

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

Definitely Blue LMAO. I think about him 24/7.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

The whole Deino line. I can not explain the affection that I feel for those guys. They don’t give me cuteness aggression (the idea of hurting those little guys makes me sad), but a part of me feels a parental instinct. That’s my baby. I need to take care of them and make them happy and feel whole and themself. To stop the turmoil in their brains and replace it with a warmness that settles deep in their heart.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

Hop. He’s very sweet and constantly trying his best and falls into a bad mental state that causes him to be so insecure that he tries a bunch of different Pokémon and strategies. He’s trying to follow in his brother’s footsteps despite it not being the right path for him. His family doesn’t have a single picture of him on the wall. Hop essentially has his emotional needs neglected (when Leon hears how shitty he’s feeling, he just goes ‘oh silly Hop… what a stupid worry! why would he think that?!) and relies on the player as one of the only people to treat him with kindness.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

I LOVE THE OAK FAMILY SO MUCH, and Daisy Oak shows up in the Kanto and Johto games. She just lives with the Professor and Blue. In Johto, she grooms your Pokémon and even gave me Blue’s number. She’s so much fun. She’s a contest winner, she has tea at the same time daily and will let you drink some with her if you show up in the hour that she’s having it, and will groom one of your Pokémon while you’re there to make them nice and happy!!!

She doesn’t appear in any spinoffs, although Blue and Professor Oak both mention her in a spinoff. Professor Oak says that she and Blue are both energetic and awake in the morning, and Blue says that she’s constantly telling him to come visit home. (SHE LOVES HER FAMILY SO MUCH!!!!!)

She’s even the only named Kanto character who doesn’t appear in LGPE. I miss her </3. I love her dynamic with the rest of the family.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING. Professor Oak is so controversial in the fandom for no fucking reason. Telling his grandson that neglecting his Pokémon’s emotional needs isn’t abuse omfg. And Blue takes that lesson to heart and starts treating them better and becomes closer to his Pokémon, and it makes him a stronger trainer. Professor Oak haters DNI. That is my GOAT. He bagged a baddie who he never stopped treating kindly, he takes care of his grandchildren all by himself, he has autism. He’s so much fun 👍.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Under the cut because of how severe my hate is for a certain Pokémon character who is introduced in the Gen 9 DLCs and has a name that looks like K____n. So if hate towards him is upsetting to anyone, do NOT click that read more LMAO. It is multiple paragraphs detailing all of the reasons that I hate him.

If anyone is unfamiliar with this character (Kie.ran) and/or dislikes him, please join me in my hater world where we will frolic in a field and make each other flower crowns and talk shit about annoying characters.

These are both the same character. My least favorite character in all of Pokémon. He is worse than any anime character, any other game character, anyone else in the entire series. In a game with a whole subplot about how bullying is wrong, HE JUST GETS OFF SCOT FREE AFTER BULLYING OTHERS. WITH NO APOLOGIES TO PLENTY OF THE PEOPLE THAT HE HURT. A kid who he DEMEANS and ACTIVELY KICKS OUT OF A CLUB for not being the most active due to having a home emergency seemingly doesn’t show up in the game again because he got bullied and forced out of an activity that he enjoyed, and most likely used as a coping method considering he had serious things going on??? And this fucking asshole is never expected to apologize for it. HE JUST APOLOGIZES TO ME??? And my character seemingly forgives him. I wish that I had the option to not do that. I will only EVER consider forgiving him if he APOLOGIZES TO EVERYONE THAT HE HURT and shows at all that he will do better.

He is a pathetic incel who can’t accept being rejected because a Pokémon liked someone who treated her well instead of someone who idolized the idea of her being cruel.

A lot of people try to justify his cruelty by being like “OH IT’S OKAY THAT HE HATES US! BECAUSE WE LIED TO HIM!!!” Our character seems to be fairly young and has two other characters who know him better (including his grandfather, who’s his legal guardian!!!) tell us not to tell him. Are we supposed to think that we know him better than his family in the five minutes that we’ve spent with him?

And there are other Pokémon characters who are dicks, but none who expect you to immediately forgive them despite doing nothing to earn it or showing that they will not do it again the second that they get a chance. Also, none of the others are so annoying. He whines for the entire DLC while simultaneously acting like he’s the strongest trainer ever. He just cries and whines the whole time. Ghetsis didn’t kill my family or become a terrorist irl. This character annoyed me, a real person in the real world so bad.

Also, the second that he sees the Pokémon who chose to go with me with her own free will, he uses the name that people used to hurt her. I can not believe that people in the fandom are genuinely like “omg I wish that I could give her to him 🥺🥺🥺. he would treat her so well,” when he starts demeaning her the second that she exhibits her own emotions and feelings instead of being the cruel Pokémon that he idolized.

I didn’t lose a single Pokémon in the fight against him. (And they weren’t even EV trained or anything. No legendaries, either! Just a skill issue on his part for acting like he has any sort of skill when compared to a VGC player.) I am so in sync with my team and aware of their movesets, items, abilities, and the layout of battles that I could genuinely defeat him blindfolded.

I like to imagine that when we went down to Area Zero, I shoved him off of the edge and watched him fall until he became out of sight.

I have every tag related to him blocked because it pisses me off to see him. I have no clue how he became such a liked character when he’s such a POS.

Fictional abusers and villains and evil hoes can be compelling (even the ones who freakily mirror my exact trauma, which has happened in a game, so I dislike that abuser, but I still find her interesting as a character since she isn’t the one who abused me because she’s actually a woman from a video game). On the other hand, fictional characters who are annoying will never be compelling to me. I manifest their downfalls. Also, why are you making a bully supposed to actually be nice and easy to forgive?

I need him to be sent to superhell because it will pmo if he ever shows up in another game.

Anyway, my mind cannot be changed on this. Anyone who wants to tell me otherwise can type your take out and then delete it because that’s the same as what would happen if you sent it to me.

As a thank you to anyone who read all of that, you get to look at the Build-a-Bear that I need so desperately.

[the-sneep-snoop]

one of the reasons i love pearl jam is they don't just write songs about political topics but they actually support, advocate and donate for them too. that's reproductive rights, indigenous rights, climate change activism, gun control, anti-war, and homelessness issues

edit: and that’s just the stuff they’ve written music about. they also post about lgbtq+ rights and gender affirming care, and raise money for things like a cure for epidermis bulosa and the maui wildfires

[moonfireshadow]

Ok controversial hot take: Hero is actually Larks kids and Normal is actually Sparrow's

[bogleech]

You know, besides the fact that they're demonstrably wrong about op's art, I'm really fucking tired of seeing this complaint about individual artists. This particular criticism was originally intended for big name publishers, Disney movies, AAA games, marvel comics, media with whole teams of professionally paid artists who were clearly being told to homogenize character designs into whatever was expected to sell better. That's why that's supposed to suck, because it's sloppy pandering and hard to excuse in a billion dollar brand.

It's really not a big deal if someone with their own solo personal project draws samey looking men or women or can't even draw humans at all, either because of skill limitations or just because they draw what they like best. Who cares when there's already millions of us smaller artists making stuff? It's genuinely the opposite problem. In mass media everything is so similar you have limited options. In webcomics and indie games you can absolutely just consume something else if something about one particular artist bugs you so much???

I’m honestly astounded by the number of times I’ve had someone complain that I don’t draw enough body diversity, I prove them wrong, and then they proceed to either deny it or get angry with me. It’s turning into a monthly occurance.

Bonus points if they’re also an artist and draw 0 body diversity.

[husband-steve-cortez]

I kid but the Kaidan being explicitly inexperienced to being domineering pipeline is important to ME.

[great-and-small]

Speaking of breed standards, would you be able to give me some context on what the heck is up with the German Shepherd "stack"? I see a lot of GSD owners saying it's breed standard and therefore fine, but the slant looks so extreme in some dogs that I have some skepticism about it (and also because, of course, breed standards have nothing to do with animal health).

This is a pretty hot button issue and you’re right that there is a ton of bickering back and forth about it online. I’m happy to share my thoughts, but keep in mind that as a veterinarian I am biased towards function over form. I care way more about if a dog can do the things it wants/needs to do than how it looks. I won’t get into it here but I actually have real qualms with the distinction between “working line” and “show line” in some breeds.

My quick takeaway opinion- There are several orthopedic issues in the German Shepherd dog (specifically show lines) that have likely been exacerbated if not entirely caused by breeders striving for the classic “sloped back” look that is considered breed standard.

Now that being said, it is a fact that the three point stack (how a dog is positioned when standing) greatly exaggerates the angulation of the back and hind legs. You will often see comparison images like this one that show a dog in stack versus standing square and you can clearly see the top line looks more sloped when the dog is stacked. This image is from a GSD subreddit, a pretty dog here nicely demonstrating how the stance can change the appearance of the top line.

This phenomenon is what certain hardline GSD breed standard loyalists will point to when discussing this issue. They posit that the sloped back is essentially an optical illusion caused by aesthetic posing, and therefore a German Shepherd is no more prone to orthopedic problems than any other large breed dog. This is where I disagree.

You can easily find stark examples of a poorly put together dog in any breed or mixed breed out there, so when discussing my concerns with the GSD I will only use photos of titled dogs that are accomplished within the show ring. These are not random backyard bred shepherds, but champion dogs from acclaimed lines that will almost certainly be bred to pass on their genes. When breed clubs like the AKC award these dogs as exemplars of the breed, they tacitly endorse the conformation issues I’m about to discuss. So my beef is not with German shepherds or dog breeds in general, but specifically with breed clubs that refuse to examine whether their standard harms animals. An important disclaimer, not every breed club is like this and many take health concerns extremely seriously.

Dogs have a very different limb anatomy and gait to humans and a healthy dog is meant to walk on their paw pads. The “ankle” or hock should be upright and angled as you can see here in this nice-looking champion shepherd from 1902.

German shepherds can sometimes have a problem that is colloquially called “dropped hocks” where that joint is abnormally loose and in more serious cases can even be touching the ground, which is completely abnormal and something I would consider a serious physical flaw. A dog having dropped hocks/tarsal hyperflexion like this is proven to cause medical issues for these dog, but unfortunately the sinking joints also help to give the dog that “classic” sloping look that breed clubs love.

This dog “Ch Kysarah's Pot of Gold” won best of breed at the National dog show in 2015. You can see his hock is literally flat on the ground even when not stacked

And it’s not just one dog. Here is another champion dog (Cruaghaire Catoria), who got some controversy for winning best of breed at Crufts in 2016 despite an extremely abnormal gait.

Perhaps we could excuse the low hocks when the dog is standing as being the result of the stack, but it is glaringly obvious when she moves that this is no trick of her positioning. Her entire tarsus rests on the floor as she runs and in close ups you can even see bald patches there to suggest this is a “normal” gait for her. In this video, the announcers agree that this is the ideal gait for a shepherd. If I saw this gait in a friend’s dog I’d politely express my concerns for long term mobility issues and recommend an orthopedic consultation. To see it win best of breed is galling to say the least.

And lest you think the problem has been solved, here’s another from the National Dog Show in 2023

None of these dogs could charge athletically into a field and effectively herd sheep. If we are prioritizing aesthetic over function to the degree that a dog cannot do what it was bred to do, or more importantly that it cannot do the simple things that dogs love to do, then we have veered unforgivably off course. Not to put too fine a point on it but what the fuck is the point of a breed standard if it impedes the dog’s function in any way? We have no right. German shepherds are an incredible breed of dog that have stood by us humans in some of our darkest moments; I think the breeders and kennel clubs who claim to love them the most should work harder to ensure the “champion” dogs they are producing can live long pain-free lives. If we have to adjust our notion of what the breed is “supposed” to look like then so fucking be it.

This is too long already so I’m not getting into hip dysplasia, DM, carpal laxity, elbow dysplasia or other conditions that exist in the breed. If German shepherd clubs want to distance themselves from the notion that their breed standard is causing problems with canine health then they will need to stop publicly lavishing awards on dogs with medically concerning gait issues and start focusing on breeding dogs that can run around a ring without causing even the most casual of onlookers to realize “something’s not right there”

[gravegoer]

What if we get like an internal monologue of just how much Sevika is into you? Like if it’s her first day as counselor and she sees you walking around the halls helping out as an assistant. She can’t help but think reader is so damn cute! Maybe even reader flirts a little from afar <3

Pretty Piltie ⋆˚✿

thank you anon, and yes i love this, this is very cute ! i went a little different for some plot but i hope you like it :) i also have a few more pirate sevika fics coming out so look out for those ! coming sometime this week :) masterlist

After her first day on the council, she saw you in the hallway, walking around with your clipboard in your face. (Definitely in a hurry)

She raised an eyebrow at the pep in your step and the carelessness of you flipping through pages while walking. Before she could even move to the side, you bumped into her.

"I'm so sorry," You looked up at her with an embarrassed look on your face, "I thought the halls would be empty."

She couldn't even get a word out before your eyes widened, "Shit. The meeting is over, isn't it?"

You scurried to the doors she just came from, and she almost laughed at your actions. Even after the exasperating meeting she had a smile graced her lips.

Well, I could get used to that.

When she got home, her mind flashed back to the girl she encountered in the hallway, furrowing her brows. She tried to rid of the image. Maybe she was just thinking about it because it's the only exciting thing that occurred today. Yeah, that's it.

The next week, she had to come back for a second meeting, this time staying back longer to discuss things in finer details. A couple of councilors have already up and left as it was getting late.

After a few minutes, she saw you walk in with one of the council members. You had a nervous smile on your face while the older woman spoke to you.

Sevika let out a snort at your expression, finding it to be oddly cute but containing herself moments later. Although she couldn't stop eyeing you when you stood behind the councilors chair just across from her.

You were scrawling out things on your clipboard while the grey-haired woman in front of you spoke. Sevika was only half listening as her eyes bored into your face, taking in all your features.

I mean, who knew Piltover had princesses like this.

Suddenly, you looked up to make eye contact with Sevika, her brows 5 she averted eye contact to look at the woman in front of you.

She saw your smile from the corner of her vision when she looked away. Fuck.

It seemed like every time you looked away she stared back at you, she didn't come here to eye-fuck her co-workers assistant but damn.

She watched the way you tilted your head when hearing something strange, or raised your eyebrows at something controversial, bending over to whisper something in the ear of your boss.

All in all she was definitely lost in thought when someone called her name, "Sevika!"

She looked over at the woman beside her who spoke, "Shall I repeat myself? I say, what are your thoughts on this matter?"

Sevika blanked. She racked her brain for an answer but the only one it was coming up with was the curve of your smile and the hue of your eyes.

She saw your surprised face and you mouthed something to her, "Say you agree."

She coughed into her fist before speaking, "I suppose that's fine."

The others looked at her suspiciously but carried on nonetheless. Throughout the rest of the meeting she made sure to pay close attention, so that she wouldn't slip up Infront of her co-workers again.

When the meeting was dismissed she was the last to leave, running her hand down her face in a way to ease her mind. She took a deep breath before stepping into the hall.

She was greeted with the sight of you talking to a few advisors, taking notes, and handing out papers. She found it endearing the way you bounced from person to person, engaging in conversation.

It seemed like you were taking peoples opinions for your survey. This was her chance to redeem herself. (She's embarrassed you had to help her earlier.

After speaking with an unfamiliar lanky man, you turned around and locked eyes with Sevika once again.

You waved at her, flashing her a cute grin. But before you could take a step towards her, your boss was calling her away.

Immediately, you deadpanned and pulled your lips into an exaggerated frown. Sevika smirked at your expressions and flicked her hand teasingly in a shoo, motion.

She would most definetly be seeing you again.

i know this is a bit shorter than my usual, spare me

im also having major writers block and i have 20+ asks so 🙏 let me cook here, i also have many projects i want to get to

[katszumi]

“have you seen the abs on that man?” hagakure sat across of you. “sexy on a stick, i swear!” she giggles. she was going on and on about the guy that starred in the superman movie you girls put on last night. henry cavill was his name.

mina agrees with her statement with a nod. “he’s the hottest white man i’ve ever seen before.”

“sure, he was hot, but are we forgetting the misogynist comments he’s made? sexy is one thing, but being controversial is a whole ‘nother thing.” uraraka inserted her input.

“oh, please. i’d cook and clean for him anyday he asks.” mina retorted. both uraraka and yaoyorozu shake their head in shame.

“speaking of controversial.” uraraka murmurs under her breath, you peer over your shoulder, wondering the intent of her statement.

you notice bakugou making his way over to your desk, his eyes planted on you and you only. you shift uncomfortably. why the hell would he be coming to you? did you do something?

once he makes his way to your desk, you look up at him with a half smile.

“hey, bakugou. what’s up?”

his eyes analyze the other girls before looking back down on you.

“my pencil?”

you flutter your lashes at him. “pencil..?” you repeated in a trance of confusion.

he groans. “the fuckin’ pencil i gave you last week. i need it back.”

now it all clicks. you nod, laughing nervously because of your stupidity. you reach in your backpack and grab the black mechanical pencil that you forgot to lend back to bakugou.

your arm extends to the male in front of you, waiting for him to snatch it back.

“sorry.”

he gently grasped onto the pencil, his hand brushing against your fingers for a small moment.

“it’s whatever. just rather not be the one to find you after i lent you something.” he shoved the pencil in his pants pockets, leaving his hands in there. “that’s one of the last pencils i have.”

you shoot your eyebrows up in defense, quickly lowering them after. your eyes falling down to your desk for comfort.

“well, hope you take care of that one.” it was a half-joke. a lame one, might you add. you were just unsure on what to say. especially since it seemed like bakugou was lingering around your desk. as if he didn’t want to return to his seat just yet.

“so, what’d you score on your test?”

“ah…it wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t horrible.”

“well?” was he really desperate to know that bad? you knew bakugou was smart, so he probably only wanted to know so it could boost his ego.

you rubbed your arm out of shame. “a seventy-nine.” you stared at his face to recognize any humility or laughter, but there was none.

he shrugged. “should’ve asked for my help if you needed it.”

right. you almost forgot that bakugou offered to help you study and go over notes with him for the next test. it was such an out-of-bakugou thing to do that you nearly didn’t take him serious.

you nodded slowly, processing his information.

“i was planning on making it up, so maybe for that.”

“fine.” his short one-worded response was dull. but what else did you really expect? “next time, don’t steal my pencil.” was his last comment before leaving your presence.

you sat in your thoughts, reeling the conversation back in your mind. what the hell just happened? it was the most simple yet confusing conversation you’ve ever had. was bakugou joking with you or was he seriously irritated with the pencil situation?

regardless, you made a mental note that bakugou was very protective over his mechanical pencils.

once bakugou returned to his seat, he unzipped his backpack, secretly opening his pencil box. within the box were a collection of pencils. there were so many pencils that he could give one to all of class 1a and 1b and still have few left.

aside sat denki who was clearly peeking inside of bakugou’s bag.

“damn, bakubro. you saving up pencils for a potential pencil outage or something?” it’s denki. of course, he never used his inside voice.

“i will literally blow you out this fuckin’ window and across the lot.” bakugou turns his head immediately, a faint pink blush spreading across the apples of his cheek.

bakugou just didn’t want you to know that the pencil was obviously an excuse to talk to you.

pt 2 of the study sesh

[hcneymooners]

⋆ ambessa headcanons but it's a modern au & she's a ruthless business mogul.

business mogul!ambessa x wife!reader. men & minors dni.

synopsis: what it says on the tin.

cw: implied age difference! explicit sexual content below the cut!

notes: i need her. i am going to lose it. the theme of this marriage is definitely cherry by lana del rey ( listen here. ) and bordersz by zayn ( listen here. )

getting together

one night, a little tipsy and feeling bold, you post a video to social media. you don’t care about the controversy, you declare—you need ambessa so badly.

despite the chaos that follows, your words are so heartfelt, so sweet, that the video practically goes triple platinum overnight.

later, at a restaurant opening, you both happen to be there. she spots you sitting in a corner, all soft warmth and radiant energy.

you look lovely, your wide smile lighting up the room. she notices how your nose scrunches when you laugh and how your dress—loaned as a favor to a designer you adore—dips elegantly at your hips.

with a little... maneuvering, ambessa secures the seat next to you and strikes up a conversation.

you’re so vivacious, so intelligent, and for the first time in a long time, she meets someone who doesn’t greet her with judgment or disapproval.

when you speak, you lean in, your hand occasionally brushing her arm. you’re so intentional, and it utterly endears her to you.

after the event, she goes home haunted by your perfume and the sound of your laughter.

the next morning, her PA reaches out with a dinner invitation to one of your dream restaurants. ambessa had spent the night scrolling through your socials, watching videos over and over.

the married life.

you’ve become a media darling—everyone adores you.

sometimes, ambessa can’t handle sharing you with the world, so she’s left her mark: photos of you often feature dark hickeys blooming across your neck like wildflowers.

your ring is massive, but she insisted you pick it out yourself—she wanted to make sure it was exactly what you wanted.

you call her “bessa,” and she alternates between “my love,” “baby,” or “sweet girl” when speaking to you.

when you leave for trips, whether for work or to visit family, she secretly diffuses perfume oils that mimic your scent throughout the house.

the playlist you share is ridiculously long—so long, in fact, it almost crashed your phone once, but neither of you care.

her desk is cluttered with framed photos of you, and your house has a photo wall that stretches up the staircase.

even when she’s annoyed or upset, she’s impossibly soft with you.

she gets genuinely upset if you don’t use her card to make purchases. like pissed.

“you will want for nothing” was one of the first promises she made to you.

you have to sneak birthday and christmas gifts for her because she always checks to make sure you’re spending her money “as the Lord intended.”

“i didn’t add this card to your apple wallet for decoration.”

she’s deeply affectionate, both in public and private.

she adores nonsexual intimacy—massaging your feet as you tell her about your day, pulling you into her lap while she works, and just sitting quietly together.

when you cup her face during conversations to focus her, it often leads to... wonderful outcomes.

if she catches you pouting, she pinches your lips into a duckbill and laughs. you let it slide because her laughter is so full-bodied, so infectious, you can’t help but love it.

her humor is so dry and witty it takes you a minute to register sometimes, but when you do, you’re in stitches.

she’s always close—sharing water, joining you in baths and showers. you’re rarely apart.

ambessa loves to provide for you. she’s your dictionary, bank account, calculator, calendar, dild—

her gift-giving is unmatched. she remembers things you mentioned wanting years ago, down to the minute you said it. it could've been mentioned 6 years, 2 months, 3 days, 1 hour, 6 minutes, and 23 seconds ago. she still remembers.

she keeps a lawyer on retainer because you’re fiercely protective of her. she acts exasperated but secretly loves it.

if you get sick, she’s terrifying—she’ll track down whoever got you sick and sue them into the ground. when you had pneumonia once, she nearly had a breakdown. it is now referred to as the crashout of the century in your household.

she’s serious about keeping you healthy, even if it drives you crazy. workouts with her are intense.

“just a little more, my love.” “you said that two rounds ago!"

her countdowns are the worst. she swears there’s ten seconds left, but it feels like eternity.

speaking of households, you don’t play when it comes to your family.

you’re fiercely protective and, let’s be honest, a little conniving when necessary.

the pta? you run it like the navy. everyone falls in line when you walk in the room.

once, a kid at mel’s school thought it was a good idea to bully her. you pulled up, found the kid, and made sure they’d never even think about messing with her again.

after that, everyone was a little afraid of mel and kino’s stepmom. you never heard another peep of bullying.

when it's good—it usually is—it's wonderful. but there were compliated moments in the beginning.

ambessa’s rise to the top wasn’t exactly clean. there were deals in shadows, strategies that left her enemies ruined. you should’ve felt more conflicted, but you found it difficult to care.

but then she announced she was running for office, and everything changed. you hated what she was doing to win—how ruthless she was, how far she was willing to go.

it led to the biggest fight you’d ever had. you left, heartbroken, and stayed with your parents for weeks.

mel had never seen her mother so undone. ambessa was quiet, distracted, a shadow of herself.

mel flew out to see you, desperate to fix things. when you saw her, the grief on her face mirrored your own, and it shattered you.

you forgave ambessa immediately—not because she was blameless, but because you hated what it had done to both of you.

she will always choose you and the kids above anything.

the marriage bed.

it's a workout in here, too.

she gon’ put that baby inside of you.

you are a bit of a perfectionist and stressed about doing it wrong and she literally could not have cared less.

she loves to lace your hands together when you fuck.

the first couple times you sleep together she treats your body like a land she needs to learn, to map.

she prefers to be dominant but sometimes you just need it and she allows you to take control.

you adore her strength and you are not slick about it because your favorite positions reflect it: mating press and amazon press, specifically.

she’s a munch and she likes humiliating you so that usually entails spreading the lips of your pussy to watch it drool for her, spiting into your cunt, pushing your legs out or up so that it’s completely bare to her.

you're enamored with her breasts. 

even outside of sex sometimes you just squeeze or hold them.

she says you’re being ridiculous but then will take off her top and reveal the most insanely tight sports bra. her tits are practically spilling into your mouth all on their own.

you can no longer go to the gym with her bc it will get crazy.

impact play. 

straps you down. you are not walking for at least two days.

once she begins, she will be finishing. no breaks. so don't tease unless you can commit.

will most definitely keep fucking you even she gets a work call + sometimes if you try to be quiet she’ll loop a hand under the thin fabric of your g-string and bounce you fast and hard on her cock until you’re moaning shamlessly.

you love kissing her so she’ll make out with you until your lips are so swollen and your words are slurred.

the best sex you had was in the bathtub one evening.

you were slipping and sliding but a swat team couldn’t have pulled her out of you.

you held onto her tightly, felt her back ripple, and to this day you swear you saw the gates of heaven. you knew if you came to be before them without her, you'd hold the gates to let her in.

she’s always telling you to take it and forces you to look at the ring you’re making around her cock.

when you’re ass up she’ll consume you until you’re shaking.

she loves making you squirt; it’s like a challenge for her.

when it happens she’ll drop her mouth open and moan so loudly it makes you flush.

she then begins to finger you and the overstimulation really works you up.

she loves to put you on your side with a leg raised so she can snap her hips hard against your ass and hear the squelch.

you love when she does this because her tits are against your back and she’s just so fucking big and warm. you feel safe.

you’re usually so sweet but during these moments you curse like a sailor.

“fuck fuck fuuuuuck. holy shit, bessa.” “such a dirty girl.” 

one thing about her fingers? they’re going in your mouth and you’re gonna gag on them.

super thoughtful with aftercare.

massages every part of your body and intersperses the pressure with tender kisses.

you always fall asleep to affirmations of how beautiful and loved you are.

you are her angel, fallen and found by her hands.

© hcneymooners.

[lacy-oh-lacy]

*cough* agatha with a controversially young lover *cough*

✧₊⁺ 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟

𝐀/𝐍: I'm combining this with another request for Agatha and a virgin reader because it seemed like a very natural fit. I hope that's okay.

𝐂𝐖: Age gap (reader's in their 20s), Virgin!Reader, Dom!Agatha, Oral (Agatha receiving), fingering, accidental exposure, slightly mean domming

Agatha called you out for eyefucking her the first time you met. Reveling in the flustered panic that followed.

“What? No, no, I um- I didn't mean to-”

“Oh, relax twerp, it takes more than a horny Zoomer to make me clutch my pearls.”

As unimpressed as she seemed with you though, that wasn't the last time she sought you out.

Because apparently, despite your age you made the best potions of anyone in the state, and her need for one drove her right up the grungy stairwell to your apartment.

Dressed to the nines in her expensive blazer and fancy updo, she looked almost comical outside your door, glaring through the threshold. “I'm here for the potion.”

“Shhh.” You ushered her inside, glancing over your shoulder. “My roommates don't know… about my extracurriculars.”

“Of course you have roommates.”

Of course that was the only part of your statement she addressed.

“It’s finished, come in.”

She followed you to your bedroom, a sad little thing, half taken up by your desk alone.

Your college textbooks were pushed precariously to the side to make way for your supplies, from which you plucked a vial and handed it to her.

“Here you go.”

Agatha held it to the light, examining the dark liquid inside with something like approval sparkling in her eyes… At least until you opened your mouth.

“That'll be 500 dollars.” You said, wincing as her inspecting gaze turned to wide, fiery eyes. “...Mam.”

“500 dollars? Are you joking?”

“Sorry. College is expensive.”

You wisely didn't mention that most of your customers were a lot less magically experienced than her and easier to gouge.

“I didn't even bring 500 dollars.”

You sighed. You could -as was evident- really use the money but you weren't going to pick a fight with The Agatha Harkness over it, that was for sure.

“Fine. 100.”

She huffed but reached into a pocket and handed you the bill.

“Great. Just great. Ya know, if you think I'm wound tight now you should see me on a budget.”

“Uh huh.” You couldn't muster sympathy for her if you tried, you doubted you could even brew a potion to. “I'd think at your level you could just magic-up whatever you want... I'm not even sure why you need me.”

Nerve struck, her only reply was a withering glare as she tucked the potion away in an inner pocket of her jacket.

Talking just to fill the silence, shooting your shot because you figured you weren't going to make her any more pissed off, you continued,

“If stress relief is what you're after there are other ways. Free ones.”

You didn't know if she'd catch your meaning, you thought it might be better if she didn't, but oh, she did.

Suddenly, you were the center of Agatha Harkness’ attention, a gleam in her eye and a smirk twisting her face.

“You offering one?”

Your stomach lurched. Did that actually work?

You clawed inwards for any shreds of confidence, enough to get out, “I, well, I could be-”

“That what the discount was for? You wanted a different kind of payment?”

And that threw you off completely.

“What? No, no I-”

“Careful.” She teased. “A sweet little thing like you really shouldn't be offering up what you're not willing to part with.”

She was fucking with you.

And you stumbled right into her trap with no thoughts of getting out.

“I'm not, I mean, I am, I'm willing, if you…”

As much as she clearly enjoyed chewing on your embarrassment, you could tell her patience was thinning by the straining look on her face. She wasn't going to stand there all day waiting for you to get a sentence out.

Fuck it.

Agatha Harkness respects bravery you rationalized, seconds before your lips hit hers.

The terror of free-falling only faded as her lips pushed back against your own, returning your kiss with one more domineering, more violent. So heated your brain was almost melting.

Agatha pulled back, but with swelling lips you hardly felt the difference.

“You sure you know what you're getting yourself into?”

You nodded dumbly, “I’m really into you.”

“Oh, I know you are, Hon, that's not what I'm asking.” Her tone was dark and steady, as soft as a caress. “Do you honestly think you can handle me?”

You swallowed, eyes locked on hers against every instinct to avert them.

“I-I’ll try my best.”

She laughed, a breathy kind of cackle that left a wicked grin on her face.

“Prove it.”

Her hands on your shoulders turned heavy and almost thoughtlessly you sank to your knees under their strength.

“You want me to…?”

She gave you that same look again, like she was waiting for you to catch up and running low on patience.

“Okay… wow, um…”

Your hands, so steady and precise an hour ago while you worked, shook as you reached for Agatha's zipper.

This couldn't have been real, you waited with bated breath for her to slap your hands away.

For someone to jump out of your closet laughing.

For her to pull out a dagger and slit your throat in some kind of virgin sacrifice ritual, because, hey, what was more likely, Agatha Harkness fucking you or killing you?

But her zipper went down, and with a huff Agatha pushed her pants and panties down right along with it.

Holy fuck.

You nearly moaned at the sight of the most perfect cunt you had ever seen in your life. Which was redundant, but it was the only thought your fritzed, virgin brain would supply.

But with white-hot lust came a knot in your stomach as it dawned on you that hundreds of years of experience was staring you down.

How could you possibly live up to that? Be adequate even?

“This is where you lick it.”

You startled at her gravelly voice.

Right. Try now, wallow in your inevitable failure later.

“Should we lock the door first?” you asked, glancing at your crudely installed cheap lock.

“I don't know, should we?” She asked rhetorically, looking like she was seconds away from pushing your head where she wanted it herself.

“Right, nevermind.”

You dove forward, licking straight up her slit and earning a catch in the older woman's breath.

Was she surprised? Expecting you to back out just as much as you expected her to?

Wetness gathered on your tongue, a taste of pure sex that made your head spin. You heard yourself moan. Go figure you’d be the first one to.

You lapped greedily at her cunt, a sloppy exploration that you could've spent an eternity on, but Agatha wasn't having that.

“More.” She exclaimed, halfway between a moan and a growl.

You weren't too inexperienced to know what that meant.

You dragged your tongue up and prodded around for her clit, barely making out the little bud.

Okay. Now what?

You wracked your brain for sex tips. The alphabet trick? Did that even work in real life?

Testing the waters, you used your tongue to spell out your name on her clit, and in a flood of relief and liquid heat you heard a breathy, little moan above you.

Her bundle of nerves swelled under your tongue, hardening into something defined, something easy to play with.

“Oh! That's it! That's a good girl.”

God, she was gonna make you cum on the spot talking like that.

Lust caving in your brain, your licks dissolved to messy, thoughtless circles and crosses. Not that Agatha seemed to mind.

You glanced up at her with hazy vision. Her arm was pressed to her forehead, fist closed as tightly as her eyes. She was already so close.

Possessed by a desperate need to give her that final push over the edge you brought your fingers to her pussy, sliding two inside of her in a gentle thrust.

Agatha moaned through gritted teeth, clenching hard around you while you curled inside her, grazing her g-spot.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Saliva and Agatha’s own wetness dripped down her legs, down your hand, down your chin. She trembled beneath you, breath hitching and coming back a choked sob.

Violent flutters errupted beneath your tongue and around your fingers, but you didn't dare ease up without her command, you didn't until she broke off panting.

“Easy, Tiger, what are you doing? Going for two?” She all but gasped out.

“Sorry.” You said, no more composed yourself. “So, um, was that okay?”

She laughed, “yeah, you did good.” As if remembering that she was the wicked witch of Westview she twisted her features into something meaner. “But don't get too cocky, it's been a long time for me.”

Before you could be proud of the praise or offended by it being cut down you jolted -nearly out of your skin- with the click of your door opening.

“Woah! Ever heard of a sock on the door?”

Oh fuck.

You couldn't even look at your roommate. Wide, apologetic eyes on a groaning Agatha pulling her pants up. Annoyed but not quite embarrassed about this stranger getting an eyeful of her ass.

With her own scolding gaze burning into yours you could only cringe deeply, watching as any chance of Agatha returning the favor faded into the abyss.

“I gotta say, I think this warrants a refund.”